Tough Moments

So here I am in Vancouver, having spent the weekend trying to reconnect with friends, kids and youth, and worrying about whether or not I'll be able to contact a certain social worker tomorrow and take care of one of my kids in time to get back to Victoria for a midterm Tuesday afternoon.

And it hits me.

All of a sudden I'm in tears, missing Britt so much. I don't understand it, but this is the most I've cried for her since the memorial. I'm really confused, since I thought I'd dealt with that, and that I was at peace with her being in heaven. I talked to a good friend of mine who reminded me that it's ok to miss her. Even though I know she's in heaven and I'm happy about that, I'm still allowed to miss her, and cry, and wish that she was coming out west to visit sometime soon. But I still don't understand why the tears come now.

And I think what it boils down to is this: my life has been insane for the last few months. Very busy, and VERY emotionally exhausting. And once again, like the shmuck I am, I've been trying to do it on my own. When something like this hits me out of nowhere, I find myself being forced to turn to God to figure out what's going on. And wow, I didn't realize how much I'd missed him this last little while. It feels good to remember his presence.